I’ve been missing. No posts for a month. Life is uncertain right now and I’m paralyzed. Like my mama always said, if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all – thus my silence. Hard to be chipper and positive when you are scared spitless.

RE is having challenges at work. He had planned to work several more years. His employer isn’t seeing it that way. Besides his regular duties, he has been tasked with improving his knowledge in certain areas to preserve his job and I am trying to support him. His employer will give him a determination in two weeks. He’s giving it his best effort. It all seems pretty subjective.   Despite his best efforts, he’s feeling “unwanted” vibes.

What if it doesn’t work out? We lose more than half of our income and his company car. And it’s not that easy finding a comparable job as a 65 year- old, white male. It will make a huge difference to our retirement. (What retirement?) Our daughter is still in college.  We stand on the edge of a wide and deep abyss.  Paralyzed.  Truthfully, the determination will be a relief.  This uncertainty is killing both of us.

In our 34 years, we’ve faced other seemingly insurmountable challenges.  Frankly, we were younger and had a lot more time to recoup.  Do we fall off a cliff – or soar to new heights?  At least with an answer we’ll be forced out of paralysis.

Have you ever been paralyzed with fear and uncertainty?  How did you cope?

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